No cheeseburgers in paradise

(with apologies to Jimmy Buffett)

I went to McDonald’s for a burger on a bun,
But the man at the counter said, “We just can’t help you, son.”
Everythng that we used to feed the critters in the stall,
It’s all been Shanghaied to make more ethanol.

All the grass for the cattle and the corn for the swine,
Is sellin’ at the pumps for three dollars ninety-nine.
Ain’t no cheeseburgers for you in this paradise,
All you get is cold sushi with a little cup of rice.

Oh, a big cheeseburger would taste so nice,
But now they tell me I have to think twice.
The cars get the grain, and the cows won’t eat mice.
Ain’t no cheeseburgers left here in this paradise.

I went to Cracker Barrel for a tasty pork chop,
But the waitress said, “Son, you know that’s got to stop.”
“How about a can of sardines with some seaweed on the side?”
Well, good God Almighty, I’m close to suicide.
I don’t eat bait and won’t swallow my pride.

They’re starving in the Congo - there’s famine in Sudan,
But the food’s goin’ in the tanks of cars and vans.
How in the devil did we get in such a mess?
Greed, granolans, government - you don’t even have to guess.

There’s plenty of oil and gas in the ground,
And underneath the oceans just waiting to be found.
But the tree huggers won’t let us drill in any case,
That’s cuttin’ off the nose just to spite the face.

Oh a big cheeseburger would taste so nice,
But now they tell me I have to think twice.
The cars get the grain, and the cows won’t eat mice.
Ain’t no cheeseburgers left here in this paradise.

Let’s take Sierra Clubbers and politicians too,
And throw ‘em the ocean while we drill a well or two.
Let’s drill in ANWR and off Florida for oil,
Before the Cubans and the Chinese come and take it all.

Then feed our corn to the hogs and grain to the cattle,
And beat these stupid moonbats in the final battle.
It’s worth every damn bit of sacrifice,
To bring cheeseburgers back to paradise,
A Pepsi and some fries would also be nice,
Bring sanity back to our paradise.

- JP